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So many times, it happens too fast...you trade your passion for glory. Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past, you must fight just to keep them alive.

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3y 19d

Nostalgic Trip

Posted by BoMToons - March 26th, 2015

I just spent a good amount of time reviewing my old blog posts. It was a pretty intense trip.

I'm really grateful to my past self (he's a guy I usually hate for making bad decisions, but in this case he turned out to be a decent fellow). I'm grateful to him for being consistent with posting and for being pretty honest.

It's helped me realize that, while I've still got a lot of growing to do and goals to achieve, I've made pretty decent progress in my happiness levels. This year was my best of recent years in dealing with the winter season slump. I barely noticed the short days and we're already starting the downhill slope to having longer days again.

Losing my job in early 2013 and becoming a freelancer has been stressful, and going back to school has also been a stress, having more kids has been a stress, but somehow I'm dealing with all of it better. I've even had less sicknesses this year.

What this tells me is that my happiness is, at the core, uncoupled from my circumstances/situation. If that weren't the case, I'd be ultra-unhappy right now. :-P

I'm not sure WHY I've been doing better this year. My hunch is that I've been humbled quite a bit... to the point where I've had to re-evaluate where I am and what direction I really want to be heading, and what's really important TO ME in my life. Making steps to work toward "my element," even though still early and only small steps, is more fulfilling.

Being forced to rein in my finances and operate "lean" has actually given me a greater sense of "control" over my future. I have much more detailed/specific plans for future "fat" days. I have a lot of hope and confidence that those better days are on their way.

One major shift in THEME of my posts from back then and now, is I was more focused on my FEELINGS when I was depressed in the past, the last year I've been super focused on what I'm DOING. My posts are perhaps less poignant, but I'm feeling better personally.

One of my favorite posts from recent years was posted on my alt account @PestoForcehttp://pestoforce.newgrounds.com/news/post/698692

One thing I miss from my older posts are the old friends (it seems like the last 2-3 years have been transitional for EVERYONE). Some specific people that used to comment/read my stuff that haven't for a while: @deadspread83 @Luis @i-smel @mindchamber @poxpower @kenney @vicariouse @manly-chicken @cyberdevil @frozenfire @ricepirate @jouste @psychogoldfish @johnnyutah @thatcomposerguy @lilg @jacksmack @renaenae @starogre @sumidiotdude @tyler-glaiel @prettymuchbryce @hyptosis

Life is cyclical/sinusoidal (cycles through time). A series of expanding and contracting. We usually hate the contracting periods, but they do serve a purpose.

These times are the Rocky training montages in our lives... where Rocky builds his strength for his future successes. The irony of those movies is that, in real life, there is no soundtrack and the moments are not cross-faded into a neat 5-minute segment building anticipation and hope. They're actually pretty scary, uncertain, and overwhelming.

There was a good TED talk about "grit" (the "key" to success) that I watched recently, and it mentions that one of the best ways to increase your "grit" is to believe that failure is recoverable and non-permanent.

My favorite part of all the Rocky training montages is in Rocky 1 when the loneliness and difficulty of what he's doing is emphasized instead of all the "getting stronger" ridiculous rippling abs and biceps (and dancing in the ocean in short shorts):

His alarm goes off at an ungodly hour (4 am) and he drags himself out of bed ALONE. The DJ on the alarm radio says it's 28 degrees F outside (-2 Centigrade). He has a moment when he sits there on the edge of his bed and shivers... no doubt considering just covering up and going back to sleep. He musters some will power and gets up to go to the fridge (the light from the fridge is painful and he tiredly winces). He disgustingly slurps down 5 raw eggs, he does it fast to get it over with and the juice dribbles from the sides of his mouth onto his sweatshirt. The radio DJ playing in the background plays a prank on some poor lady who chews him out for calling at such an early hour.

He stumbles out the door and it is BITTERLY cold in Philadelphia. Sad, subtle music plays (NOT "Gonna Fly Now"). NO ONE is on the streets cheering him on as shown in an ultra long shot of Rocky's alleyway/street that is completely dark and lifeless with one solitary figure (Rocky) slowly chugging off into the distance.

Downtown, the only person outside is the early-morning newspaper delivery truck driver. Rocky arrives at the famous Philadelphia Museum of Art steps (no one trailing behind him), but every step is a STRUGGLE. You hear only the sad background music and Rocky's extremely labored breathing as he just can't keep running anymore and slows to a cramping limp. He's doubled over at the top of the steps, clutching his cramped side. He snatches a glance out over the city as he turns and hobbles back down the steps. The sun is rising.



BTW, have you seen the documentary about the Rocky franchise? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tEbIMbKk_c

Comments (23)

Aaand I'm back to reading these posts all of a sudden. :P I didn't think it was that long since my last comment hmm, time flies... as for core values and true happiness, lately I feel like being happy is just not having enough time to worry about trivial troubles, though I suppose if you're unfortunate enough to spend that time doing things you'd rather not be doing it'd be a different thing altogether. Happy to hear life is looking up! Or, you're up and looking down. At life. Getting a better vantage point. Seeing the bigger picture. Coming to all kinds of rad realizations with the winds of wisdom brushing by.

Lots of links to click in this post! Did you actually read through all your old blogs btw? I get these cravings to thoroughly rummage through ALL old content every once in too often, which if I didn't resist I'd probably be just ogling the old all day, living in the past, having no time for continual creative creation. Nostalgia is like a drug! Though, being able to follow personal progress is pretty cool, events and emotions all logged; left for the future...

I didn't go ALL the way back, but reviewed the last 3 or 4 years. I think it's a useful thing to do every so often, but it is definitely a time suck!

Thanks for coming back, I always look forward to your comments! :-)

I still read your post. I just haven't comment lately in order to one day be mentioned in said post. Mission Accomplished!


I wanted to do something like that for my tenth year of blogging, but ten years... turned out to be a lot of material! Usually do a yearly skim-through session to see what I've been up to though, in lack of better memory.

If they had some sort of subscription feature for these things I'd never have left! Or... well, if I checked that part of my feed more often. Good to be back anyway; much thanks for the mention! :) Those @s are always efficient attention-grabbers.

I think there is a subscription thing now on NG, the whole "following" thing, but not sure how the notifications go out unless you're regularly visiting NG.


While I don't always have time to react or comment (which sucks, I wish there more than 24 hours in a day!) I still always keep up-to-date with what you do :) Been a big fan of your work and continue to be, can't wait to play the full Super Chibi once released!

Ha ha, I know... you've actually commented fairly recently... so I guess YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK!

Yeah, there sure is, you just have to dig deep into the feed to see all those notifications. Newsposts don't appear on the frontpage favorites box either (just portal content). And following over a thousand artists... that's a flood of notifications! Just found one unwanted side-effect of fanatical favorisms btw, after a quick visit to my favorite artists page... http://www.newgrounds.com/dump/item/71e8967b74efbc13b28072f4cf697a92

Wonder how many it takes for that message to appear hmm. Thanks for the follow btw! I was a fan way before this follow feature fizzled into existence, seamless transition. ;)

ha ha, you should send that pic to Tom or PsychoGoldfish... looks like something they thought might never show up.

I'm still here, bud. Haven't made anything for myself as of late.

I check up on NG daily. Whatever I do make usually is for the companies I work for so I can't really post it.


Like Kenney and Matt, I still pop in and see whats going on. I dont participate as much. Both because of a combination of a transition period you talked about and also because I tend to rarely get on my computer when I'm at home. I'm usually so beaten and bruised after work that I've made a habit of going outside and reading a book, or whatever. I've recently started doing crossword puzzles. I always thought that was an old man thing, maybe i am old now.

I've started tip toeing back into the scene. albeit SLOWLY. Setting up the Pico Day event page kind of lured me back. Also there is so much new talent, maybe I've gotten old to the point i like to sit back on my rocker and watch the kids tear it up on the portal.

They were filming a scene of the new rocky last weekend near the italian market here. I missed it but i thought it was worth mentioning.

Don't relegate yourself to being an old man yet... get out there and show these kids how it's done!

Never leave your computer... ever. Set up a toilet next to it. Have groceries delivered. Meld with your chair. Install an oversized hamster feeder water bottle next to the toilet.

Do you still have arthritis from using your mouse? I think I'm getting some carpal tunnel in my wrists...

You and your movie sets... didn't you see an episode of Kitchen Nightmares being filmed once too?

I'm not too excited to hear they're making another Rocky... does it star his son?

Damn it, now I feel guilty.

Ha ha, it worked! ;-P

Im definitely in one of those contracting periods you talked about.. and even though I feel like Ill be getting back to it, each cycle seems to get longer with each rebound. This will be my fourth time entering the art scene, ....if I do... Its been a strain.. Ive learn alot about myself this time around though, and Im generally a more appreciative person, and Ive tried to take the time to congratulate the amazing talent on the site when I can.. I remember how important that feedback was to me (even though I pretended it didnt matter much) and while Im still in stasis its the least I can do... BTW sorry I didnt contribute to your chibi2 project when it was up.. simply because I was just plan broke, i definitely plan to grab it off steam when its ready and Im really digging your artwork, youve come along way.

For now Ive been enjoying being a consumer as opposed to a creator, Ive been taking my time with a new program, but its slow going, Im definitely feeling that itch though.

Nice. Really good to hear from you and that you're starting a cycle to get back into things. I still remember riding in your rice burner street rod to the Pico Day hotel way back when. Good times.

I'm looking forward to seeing your next creations, I'd even like to collaborate some day.

Yea I don't know too much about the new rocky, I've heard its a 'reboot' with his son taking on apollos son or something.

I don't have anymore pain in my wrist. That has also been somewhat of a desire to do other things. Suprisingly I dont feel 'old' I just feel like I had been in a bubble a long time. A very creative bubble and I'm proud of all the cool stuff I've been part of and still love reading the reviews for anything I've been part of. Makes me happy that somewhere out there someones interacting with something of mine with fresh eyes. Kinda like finding an old nes game under a drawer 20 years later and finding it runs and your take on it is so fresh.

I do intend to get back to things. Maybe never as hardcore as back in the day but I figure that's okay too.

You say you won't be as hardcore, but if I know you and how this stuff works, it'll suck you back in and soon you'll be lost in development hell working on a game for 5 years...

I'm only commenting to say I HAVE NO REGRETS ABOUT IGNORING YOUR ASS!!!!

j/k, you get a hug at Pico Day.

I really hope I can make Pico Day this year.

Mark me down for another 'read but doesn't comment' :)
I feel like I've been in a slump these last couple of years but am finally working my way out of it. I mostly attribute that to spending time learning new stuff like mobile, unity, etc.
I love seeing NG content and creators on steam, mobile, anywhere.
The roots travel far here.
Hope to see you at pico day!

Yes, I def should have included you in that list. The rebuilding phase has been really widespread, but it is cool to see the growth and branching out. I'm still waiting for someone to take @TomFulp up on that offer he made to pay $10k to anyone who mentions NG in their Oscar acceptance speech...

Learning new stuff behind the scenes seems to be a great way to build back to a triumphant return. I think I will go to Pico Day, but only if I can finish Super Chibi before then... it's good to have a deadline...

Thanks for dropping in!

It's funny going through that winter seasonal slump post... I'm still running every morning but my diet is different now, more like Rocky's actually... I'm not bothering with the oatmeal and yogurt much anymore, although I drink Kefir sometimes at night. Here's my current morning routine:

1) Coffee blended with kerrygold butter and coconut oil (no cream), topped with cinnamon and tumeric. Basically following a ketogenic routine in the morning.
2) Run 3+ miles
3) Three eggs and spinach with olive oil.

The only way for life to not have ups and downs is for each day be progressively more successful than the last, which I can't imagine anyone pulling off for their entire lifetime and if so, it's hard to imagine appreciating anything.

You mean you're not doing Yogalosophy anymore?!! :-P

I've been doing well with working out, but need to dial in my diet again - I've packed on some extra pounds that I need to lose before things get too far out of hand.

This morning I realized one big factor that has helped with the winter blues... we put in a garage door opener, sold the old car that was in there taking up space, and have been parking in the garage. I never suspected that not worrying about warming up the car, scraping windows, etc. in the morning would feel soooo nice.

A wise man once said that the biggest impacts can be achieved through small changes to things we do routinely. The garage door thing is a good example of that.

Haven't done Yogalosophy in a while although April just broke it out recently and I HAVE been doing yoga at the gym :)

Good call on the garage, I'd love to do that but our garage is pretty tiny and my Imprezza barely fits, I worry about crashing into a wall one day pulling in or out. On a related not I did just CLEAN our garage and that made everyone feel better, the kids even said thanks.

Ha ha! I had to do some serious cleaning to fit the car in there, but totally worth it.

Of course, I did back into a visitor's car who double parked me in the driveway the other day... too used to my routine back out...

thanks for the mention, always loved watching, playing, and reviewing your work. i check NG every once in a while and am glad to see you're still around. the site doesn't feel the same as it did half a decade ago but it's comforting to know that some of the same people have a mutual appreciation of the same values and memories. keep in touch man, hope you're doing well!

Good to hear from you!

Yeah, NG users have churned quite a bit, but looks like many are still lurking and aware, though pursuing lots of other stuff.

Thanks for stopping in!



hey man, i know i never really commented on your stuff at all before, but i read your stuff! you are not alone!!!

dem feels of support :-)

Where have I gone? Lately I've been having a problem with the way this site's been run...

However, I haven't felt the need to comment here in a while. You're a smart, well thought out bloke, who seems to do quite well in what you set your mind to. The same can't be said for other non-promoted artists here, despite their efforts. While I enjoyed helping new and existing artists with the site, it was hard... made even harder by Tom's reversing the blog comments to newest first. So I quit. Why should I expend time into commenting, when it takes me longer to read the latest comments... the very comments I'd like to see, while composing a new message!

Anyway, if you're going to the Pico party next month, gimme a shout! I'll be trying to stick close to the staff and mods, maybe a little legwork and hot air by me, can set things straight, generally speaking.

Thanks for stopping by. The order of the blog comments has you THAT upset?! I noticed the change, but didn't really think it was too big of a deal...

Before Chat (and after), friends and I would have running conversations on blogs like this one. The old way made it much easier to see the last few comments made, as well as compose a new message, within sight of what was last said.

The new way, has you scrolling to the bottom, to see if anything new was added to the conversation, then you have to scroll back up (or click a page number; a lot of old timers never make new posts) to make a comment. If anything's worth making a new post about, it should be a conversation among members, not just on what appears on my feed.. it's out of context with what was previously said.

Anyway, the new way requires more clicking and rolling the pages around (if I care, which today I don't lol), so I'm done with it. If someone called me an old curmudgeon here and didn't use the @ thing, I wouldn't know about it ._.

Ah, I get what you're saying. Would be cool if responses nested like in normal forums/reddit.

Yeah, shit, simple presets like ascending and descending would be fine. Be even better if they were in reviews, along with a most helpful option. Most modern websites have those options. We were told the redesign was supposed to make that kinda stuff easier to code.

Bringing back secrets, file sizes listed in movie/game submissions, multiple category star ratings in reviews, maybe even some new incentive to vote and review would be nice. Even Ladies Handbag playing in the Portal again would be a genuine improvement.

I know @tomfulp has many of these features in mind for NG and is working toward them, but it's been a tough few years and everything has its place priority-wise with a hugely paired-down team. I have faith in the crew to get there, but it's gotta be difficult to please everyone all at the same time.

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