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So many times, it happens too fast...you trade your passion for glory. Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past, you must fight just to keep them alive.

39, Male

Software Engineer

Somewhere in Nevada...

Somewhere in California..

Joined on 11/29/05

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Comments (5)

Thanks for sharing all this! I've listened to that After On podcast about reality and it's a fun listen. I'm curious to check out Infinite Powers - I never warmed up to calculus and maybe this would help. Great work on the web design to! I take it you're using React for all of that?

For the mobile app front end, are you just visualizing it or do you do the implementation in the app as well?

For the Next Step Podcast site I debated a lot about whether it was worth the upfront overhead to do it in Angular or another JS framework, or just revert to my more familiar php/html/raw-js approach.

I ended up doing the latter, but kind of building my own version of a framework to inject live db content into the page on-the-fly. It's super hacky, but kinda cool too.

For the Bible app, they hired me to do design and branding, but when I told them I could do a lot of the code implementation as well, they were happy to hand that over. They're using Vue.js (yet another js framework) but I'm basically just overriding css in their files (not too deep in the code).

I hope to be going to Al-Anon next week as my boyfriend is 16 days sober.

Awesome! It works if you work it (as they say). It's amazing to me that the same 12 steps that help addicts can help non-addicts recover from the effects of being in the life of addicts. Good for you guys for having the courage to use these resources. I hope you have great experiences!

@ZebraHumor I just passed 6 months sober btw :-D

@BoMToons Congrats!

Man what a very deep post. I myself am going through a similiar thing. In my 20s I did a lot of drugs and got addicted and lost all my friends and girlfriend. I'm now 30 years old and sobre and picking up the pieces but am constantly haunted by the memories of my ex friends and depression/anxiety.

I'm slowly picking myself up, but it's hard when you feel like a failure for all your dreams and ambitions. Something that has been helping me a lot lately is the gym and gaining muscle. The endorphins boost your mood, and physically feel a lot better. "Heal the body and the mind will follow" - Forgot who it was... maybe Bruce Lee? lol

Hang in there, being honest with your actions is the hardest part but you will notice that almost 50% of people have never had to do it and are blind to there own problems, so the fact you even realised you need to work on yourself already makes you more enlightened then half the people on this planet believe it or not. The amount of people I meet with bad problems that live in denial about it is staggering.

Demons and past trauma hurts us bad, I find it so hard not to think about daily and I use gaming as a way of escape but I know I can't keep doing that.

I agree therapy for me was useless too. It feels too robotic like the therapists are just guiding you through a mechanical process and spouting specific lines without actually talking to you like a proper human being.

Harvard did a 70 year study on depression and mental health the longest ever study conducted in history and they tracked 700 people through the course of there entire lives. They found the one true thing that created happynss in all there lives was deep meaningful relationships. Wether its a friendship, a spouse or family. As long as they are a person you can talk to about anything, it will create a sense of wellbeing inside you. So when we lose these connections, it's one of the hardest things for us to deal with in our heart. It sounds like you found this out yourself by attending AA meetings, that is good, and would be helpful due to having people that can truly relate to you.

All the best man and good luck and if you ever feel like talking about this stuff or anything more feel free to message me anytime.

Thanks for sharing Eggy. I agree with you on every front. Healthy connection is the antidote to addiction and cures a lot more than just that. I'm feeling hopeful for the future. I'm glad you're doing better and continuing to fight the good fight.

Thanks a lot for your post man!